I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. – Unknown
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. – Mark Twain
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She hugged me. – Unknown
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. – Jim Carrey
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. – Unknown
IÍm not lazy, IÍm just on my energy-saving mode. – Unknown
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – Steve Martin
The road to success is always under construction. – Lily Tomlin
IÍm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. – Unknown
Why donÍt skeletons fight each other? They donÍt have the guts. – Unknown
I thought I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure. – Unknown
I used to be a people person, but people ruined it. – Unknown
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. – Charles Lamb
I would lose weight, but I hate losing. – Unknown
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. – Al McGuire
IÍm not shy, IÍm holding back my awesomeness so I donÍt intimidate you. – Unknown
I put my phone in airplane mode, but itÍs not flying. – Unknown
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. – Unknown
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it. – Unknown
A day without laughter is a day wasted. – Charlie Chaplin
The best way to lie is to tell the truth… carefully edited truth. – Unknown
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? – Abraham Lincoln
WeÍll be friends until weÍre old and senile… then weÍll be new friends! – Unknown
I used to think I was indecisive, but now IÍm not so sure. – Unknown
A true friend is someone who thinks youÍre a good egg even though they know youÍre slightly cracked. – Bernard Meltzer